Jamie Carter's War

Damn, I've been a prolific bastard today.   Usually, I just try to stay mysterious.  Well fuck that right now!  I'm on fucking fire and kinda look like Tiny Lister from "No Holds Barred."  Maybe not my best look, but a look, nonetheless. 

Sunday night, my club had their annual Christmas party.  For the past three years, it's kinda like my 2nd chance prom.  I always try and look good and I always try and take someone that's way hot.  All PR is good PR in this case.   This year, our party moved from Taurus in Buckhead to Ten Pin Alley in Atlantic Station.  Before I continue on, let me express my hatred for Atlantic Station.  I went to a movie there about a year ago and it was the most clusterfucked experience I've had since...  Well...  I had a catheder in my cock once AND THAT WAS MORE PLEASANT. 

Anyhoo, for all you non-ATLiens, Ten Pin Alley is a bowling alley.  It's a nice bowling alley near midtown that actually employs several Mr. Smith clones from the Matrix and they are 'roided the fuck up.  And these are the first people you see before you walk in the door.  Again,  A BOWLING ALLEY.  You'd mark it zero if these guys thought you were "over the line."  

Sure, the security people really don't have a reason to live but this wasn't my issue.  I left my iPhone in the car to charge while I was at the event and totally forgot about it.  Yeah, not too wise on my part.  I actually left pretty early and took sexiest girl alive for a beer somewhere else.  When I got home, I couldn't find the phone.  I figured it was karma catching up with me for making fun of my friend Nate for leaving his iPhone in a taxi a week earlier.  

I naturally assumed that I had just taken it out and left it somewhere.  Believe me, the last thing that was on my mind when I left the party was a fuckin' telephone.  I bitched and moaned about it all day Monday at work and happened to mention it to an ex-girlfriend who was hanging out with some of the valets that night.  She sent me an email later on telling me that one of said valets was showing off his new iPhone to people.  Of course, the screensaver is a picture of me and another chick in Santa costumes.  What an eeeeediot.  So I've had to start the process of trying to get this butthole fired, busted, and hopefully punched in the face.  I already know that it's gonna be relatively easy for me to track if the phone is re-activated through my cell phone provider. 

I just talked to the owner of the valet company and he pretty much assured me that they were gonna fire the guy regardless.  I'm filing a police report today so I'm covering my bases.  But fuck man, dropping an additional $400 really chaps my ass right now. 

What a kick in the crotch

I'm sure there are many out there who are aware of the embarrassment associated with being an Atlanta Falcons fan these days.   Me, I'm a Steeler fan, so I don't feel it as bad.  I do have at least hometown pride so I wanna see them have a respectable amount of success.  It's just good for the city.  Atlanta has long been the punching bag for crappy teams and even crappier fans.   This reputation is somewhat earned due to apathetic Braves' fans that knew the team would without question make the playoffs every year.  That part is still kinda weird to think about.  The Braves sucked big, stank ass when I followed them in the 80s. 

My point is that I was just reading about the five Falcons players that were just fined by the league for paying tribute to the imprisoned Michael Vick during last Monday night's game against the Saints.  I was at the game because someone gave me a free ticket and I was embarrassed  for the team in front of a national audience (though I doubt very many people actually wanted to watch two shitty NFC teams play.)  It probably didn't help that the Georgia Dome was practically empty by the fourth quarter.  To put a cherry on top of this big turd, Bobby Petrino jumped ship about an hour after the game.  And then you have these asshat players putting sprinkles on this shit sundae by rallying around Vick like he's Rubin "Hurricane" Carter.  If I was Arthur Blank, I woulda suspended these fucking douchebags without pay for the rest of the year.  They ain't doing anything to help this city's reputation for being more than a haven for a bunch of millionaire thugs.  I totally feel for this guy because Blank earnestly has gotten screwed for trying to bring a winner to this city.  The Falcons don't deserve to have an owner this good.  All these fucking morons do is make us look worse as a city because I feel that your local sports team is really a face for your city nationally.  

So I beg of you Mr. Blank, lose these cum dumplings, and bring back Morten Andersen for another year.  At least he's got some class. 

Welcome back, Carter

Salutations bitches, it's re-launch time.  It's been a bit of a prolonged absense from the blogosphere for the past several months, but I feel now is as good a time as any to restart.  I used to write fairly frequently on myspace, but I started getting a little sick of using that as my avenue to vent about crapola.  Since I'm an egomaniac at heart, I felt that moving my blog would make it stand alone.  And for all I know,  I could be completely alone by writing this for no one but myself.  Still, I hope for a few online stalkers just so I know that I'm in demand. 

Another reason I've decided to start over is because I've gotten inspired by reading several other local Atlanta blogs by lawyers, political junkies, and by a dude I used to work with at the video store.  I also recognized the opportunity to put my mouth where my money is (meaning I got plenty of time to do this while I'm working at the nudie bar.)  

I haven't exactly hammered out what I want to focus on, but I feel that I'll mostly be running my mouth about whatever happens to be going on in front of me.  I think you might be amazed at how eloquently I can talk about how the new chick could really use a deep dickin'.   And damn...  She soooooo could.   I'll write about other stuff, too.   I spend an obscene amount of time reading about sports and rock and whatnot.  I'm sure I'll also find ample space to squeeze out some this bleedin' heart liberal drivel.  That being said, Barack and roll, biyotch.